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Seven of the weirdest things you can buy from the Brexit Party shop

First politicians, then journalists and now merchants? The multifaceted Brexit Party have now decided to try their hand at online retail, launching a shop that sells clothes, office supplies and campaign materials. What’s in store? We took a look.

Official Brexit Party Car Air Freshener

A 99p air freshener probably never smells great, but Brexit Party air freshener is something else. What will it smell of? Stale cigarettes? Perhaps an infusion of Nigel Farage’s favourites pints? Or maybe all things British: fish and chips, a cup of tea. One thing is for sure: at least it will smell like patriotism.

Official Brexit Party Boat Flag

For a cool £99.99, boat owners can make themselves the envy of their local yacht club by sticking a Brexit Party flag on deck.

Farage will probably prefer that flag owners remain moored on the Thames as all other bodies of water are a bit too connected to Europe. But, as long as they fly the flag of freedom, they are doing their bit.

Official Brexit Party Ice Scraper

This gadget reaches Christmas cracker levels of uselessness (as do Brexit Party MEPs who sit in the European Parliament to do nothing except moan about being there). Sign our open letter calling on them to give up their wages. You know it makes sense.

Official Brexit Party Pint Glass

This is just classic Farage.

Official Brexit Party Stress Ball

The Brexit Party shop sells three different types of stress ball, presumably because party supporters are all going absolutely mad with the stress of being under the rule of our fascist overlords, the European Union.

Official Brexit Party Bear

Either this is a creepy attempt to indoctrinate children into pro-Brexit politics, or Nigel Farage still sleeps with a teddy bear at night, and thinks that everyone else does too.

Official Brexit Party Tablecloth

A tablecloth that says ‘Making Britain Stronger’ may be co-opted by the gym industry to sell protein powder. Farage should copyright it as soon as possible. Apart from that, we cannot see the aggressively pale shade of blue fitting in with the feng shui of any kitchen or dining room outside of the 1970s. Which is also where the party found most of their policies.

One response to “Seven of the weirdest things you can buy from the Brexit Party shop

  1. Can I have a dozen of each please. No big rush so long as they’re here by 5th November. If you could throw in a box of matches too they’ll come in handy

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